Hi fellas!
Two more months before this year ends, there were so many ups and downs I've got in my life. Truly, this one is one of an important thing.
Two days ago, I went to Kebun Raya Bogor for the first time. It took me almost 24 years to finally decided to come there. The reason was simple: It never goes anywhere, it always open day by day, it is located in Bogor where my grandfather lives, I could go everytime I wanted to because Bogor still reachable for me, period.
The moment I entered to the gate, I felt so excited. It was cheap, full of trees and serenity, and quiet because I went there not in the weekend. "This place is nice, and the place that I needed to breath the fresh air," I said to myself, being grateful for finally had a sweet escape for a moment, and still within the proper route for me to not going so far from my house. Another impression for me to Kebun Raya was wow... Where have I been? I always looking for the far destinations to be my holiday plan whereas I have Kebun Raya, the cheap one but can be a refreshment from the hustle bustles. I also can go there everytime because it served calmness. Probably, a far place has its own attractiveness for several persons including me. We see the opportunity where we can save the closer destination as a can-be-visited another time. We (especially me) think that hey, if I have a chance to go to the far place, why shouldn't I go there now? closer place can wait. And it happened years by years.
So the truth is, that condition happened to my life not only by choosing the holiday destination but for several things in my life, specifically: marriage.
I don't remember since when I got the special interest to learn about a family. Maybe it started on my senior high when I met a personal issue, and regarding to solve that, I learned more about parenting and I loved it. I found the essence of a great human being came from a good family. For me, learning about parenting was like living the dream. At that time I promised myself, I had to always update and upgrade my parenting knowledge and I wanted to be a good mother for my kids, for my family.
As the time goes by, alhamdulillah Allah always guided me to meet the new things and trends about parenting. I felt happier and took notes of the interesting points. I even had the special notebook for myself as a newbie mom starter pack: the A-Z what to prepare from the pre-pregnancy, pregnancy, and post pregnancy. I couldn't wait to be a mom. And the only way out for me to pursue my dream was: marriage. I wanted a marriage.
2018 was the right time for me to tie the knot. I hit 23 that year, I was working, and I thought there was no reason for me to postpone the marriage. my dream that time: I wanna give birth to my first kid before 25. 23 was ideal for me because I'm still young, I energized much so when my kids love to run inside and outside my house, I didn't need to feel worry because I also still have a lot of energy. The age range between me and my first kid is not so far, so when he/she grows up, I'm not afraid of being so old.
2018 has ended. I haven't tied the knot, yet I thought 2018 was my roller coaster of life: met another personal issue, low self esteem, chaos emotions, my working and college things were ruined up. I was a mess. I felt so down and didn't deserve everything. I even had a glance of thought "should I be married? or, is there anybody that want to spend his rest of life with me, the messed up one?" I knew it was really a pathetically desperate. Until I took a break time for me and reflected everything. I came back to the old time, to where I put this shoes for the first time. And that time I realized: I was going too far.
As I said before, my dream that still shines me until now is: I wanna have a great family. Career things, education things, are not really a big matter for me but family: I really wanna have the good one. I know it feels strange but maybe having a good family is my one and only dream in life, my passion. But the thing is: I did prepare for being a good mom, but I forgot to prepare to be a good wife. Beyond before that, I also forgot to prepare the stable myself. I took two steps ahead while the basic one still not finished yet. It leaded to the personal issue that exploded at the time which I should have done with it.
2018 still become the right time for me. but not to finally tied the knot, but to show off the unresolved things.
I think currently I am the arrow being pulled back through a bow before finally flying high and hit the target. My marriage planning was different 180 degree. I started to finished with myself first, I did learning about the strong personality one, took notes of the interesting points, living my life with mindfulness and acceptance. Creating the habit of how to be a good wife, a pleasant life partner, and a great lover.
I close my book of parenting right now because I realize it is my far destination to plan for holiday: the place I always sacrifice for to reach it, and ignore the closer one with a reason it-can-be-visited-another-time. I need to start the new journey, from the closer destination from where I'm standing at the moment. Trying to explore it until I found the closer destination was wonderful, peaceful, and fun. Because when I still have chance to go to the closer destination, I do not need our money spending much. I can take the leap and start now. The closer destination is my journey into myself, my life, for my better marriage, my good family in the future, Insya Allah.
Thank you for reading,
Best Regards,
Hilya
Two more months before this year ends, there were so many ups and downs I've got in my life. Truly, this one is one of an important thing.
Two days ago, I went to Kebun Raya Bogor for the first time. It took me almost 24 years to finally decided to come there. The reason was simple: It never goes anywhere, it always open day by day, it is located in Bogor where my grandfather lives, I could go everytime I wanted to because Bogor still reachable for me, period.
The moment I entered to the gate, I felt so excited. It was cheap, full of trees and serenity, and quiet because I went there not in the weekend. "This place is nice, and the place that I needed to breath the fresh air," I said to myself, being grateful for finally had a sweet escape for a moment, and still within the proper route for me to not going so far from my house. Another impression for me to Kebun Raya was wow... Where have I been? I always looking for the far destinations to be my holiday plan whereas I have Kebun Raya, the cheap one but can be a refreshment from the hustle bustles. I also can go there everytime because it served calmness. Probably, a far place has its own attractiveness for several persons including me. We see the opportunity where we can save the closer destination as a can-be-visited another time. We (especially me) think that hey, if I have a chance to go to the far place, why shouldn't I go there now? closer place can wait. And it happened years by years.
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| Source: here |
So the truth is, that condition happened to my life not only by choosing the holiday destination but for several things in my life, specifically: marriage.
I don't remember since when I got the special interest to learn about a family. Maybe it started on my senior high when I met a personal issue, and regarding to solve that, I learned more about parenting and I loved it. I found the essence of a great human being came from a good family. For me, learning about parenting was like living the dream. At that time I promised myself, I had to always update and upgrade my parenting knowledge and I wanted to be a good mother for my kids, for my family.
As the time goes by, alhamdulillah Allah always guided me to meet the new things and trends about parenting. I felt happier and took notes of the interesting points. I even had the special notebook for myself as a newbie mom starter pack: the A-Z what to prepare from the pre-pregnancy, pregnancy, and post pregnancy. I couldn't wait to be a mom. And the only way out for me to pursue my dream was: marriage. I wanted a marriage.
2018 was the right time for me to tie the knot. I hit 23 that year, I was working, and I thought there was no reason for me to postpone the marriage. my dream that time: I wanna give birth to my first kid before 25. 23 was ideal for me because I'm still young, I energized much so when my kids love to run inside and outside my house, I didn't need to feel worry because I also still have a lot of energy. The age range between me and my first kid is not so far, so when he/she grows up, I'm not afraid of being so old.
2018 has ended. I haven't tied the knot, yet I thought 2018 was my roller coaster of life: met another personal issue, low self esteem, chaos emotions, my working and college things were ruined up. I was a mess. I felt so down and didn't deserve everything. I even had a glance of thought "should I be married? or, is there anybody that want to spend his rest of life with me, the messed up one?" I knew it was really a pathetically desperate. Until I took a break time for me and reflected everything. I came back to the old time, to where I put this shoes for the first time. And that time I realized: I was going too far.
As I said before, my dream that still shines me until now is: I wanna have a great family. Career things, education things, are not really a big matter for me but family: I really wanna have the good one. I know it feels strange but maybe having a good family is my one and only dream in life, my passion. But the thing is: I did prepare for being a good mom, but I forgot to prepare to be a good wife. Beyond before that, I also forgot to prepare the stable myself. I took two steps ahead while the basic one still not finished yet. It leaded to the personal issue that exploded at the time which I should have done with it.
2018 still become the right time for me. but not to finally tied the knot, but to show off the unresolved things.
I think currently I am the arrow being pulled back through a bow before finally flying high and hit the target. My marriage planning was different 180 degree. I started to finished with myself first, I did learning about the strong personality one, took notes of the interesting points, living my life with mindfulness and acceptance. Creating the habit of how to be a good wife, a pleasant life partner, and a great lover.
I close my book of parenting right now because I realize it is my far destination to plan for holiday: the place I always sacrifice for to reach it, and ignore the closer one with a reason it-can-be-visited-another-time. I need to start the new journey, from the closer destination from where I'm standing at the moment. Trying to explore it until I found the closer destination was wonderful, peaceful, and fun. Because when I still have chance to go to the closer destination, I do not need our money spending much. I can take the leap and start now. The closer destination is my journey into myself, my life, for my better marriage, my good family in the future, Insya Allah.
Thank you for reading,
Best Regards,
Hilya
ka hilya, it's really nice to read this, your story is touchable and meaningful. Thankyou for sharing, i hope you can go through all of this :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Rara, hope you do so :)
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